Love after Love by Derek Walcott

The time will comewhen, with elation,you will greet yourself arrivingat your own door, in your own mirrorand each will smile at the other’s welcome,and say, sit here. Eat.You will love again the stranger who was your self.Give wine. Give bread, Give back your heartto itself, to the stranger who has loved youall your life, whom you ignoredfor another, who knows you by heart.Take down the love letters from the bookshelfthe photographs, the desperate notes,peel your own image from the mirror.Sit. Feast on your life.

My dear

Am I really your darling 

After all these years

Despite the blackheads on my nose

And my dark, tanned skin

Do you really want me still

With a child and a messy house

With hair clogging the drain

Beads and blocks on the floor

Do you like to see me

Clothes familiar and worn

No longer bothering with earrings

Hair like an African jungle

You know, I like you still

Your back, large over the kitchen sink

So very familiar

Making breakfast

Book Reviews (3)

 1. The Girl He Used To Know by Tracey Garvis Graves

This story follows two people, Annika and Jonathan, and I guess I'm a sucker for love stories where two people feel like they really belong together, like they are their best selves with the other person, because I'm pretty sure I read this book straight through. The chapters fluctuate back and forth inconsistently but its easy reading. Love stories where two people get together, then separate, and then get together again as wiser and stronger adults are kind of compelling and cute, like a modern day fairy tale. The title is sort of misleading because at least half the book is written from the girl's point of view but whatever. Any book that has a character with social anxiety or some kind of medical problem is also really cathartic. 

In a word: sweethearts 

2. The Dreamers by Karen Thompson Walker

This book is about a very contagious sleeping sickness taking over a small American town and with the world in corona-mode right now, I think the timing of this book is great. The story also is interesting, as are the characters. It's a quick and very interesting read, and very relatable especially in the current climate. I like to think we're nearing the end of the book where the sickness mysteriously disappears on its own accord. I really liked the writing. It creates the right sort of tensiony atmosphere that fits well with this theme. And I love a touch of magic realism. 

In a word: contagious

3. The Farm by Joanne Ramos

This book is about a surrogacy program, though its actually about much more than that. It explores the financial imbalance in America, mainly between Philippinos and whites, and how a woman in certain circumstances makes decisions that determine, well, life. It was weird, I've never really thought about this topic, and it even ended with the questionable surrogacy program continuing, which I didn't expect. Is this a picture of the near future? Uncomfortable, but interesting.  

In a word: payment 

4. The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead

This book is based on boys reform schools in US from back in the day. I was expecting scandalous things, but instead the whole whipping and death as punishment just felt sad and heavy. It was eye opening I suppose. It had a surprising twist. And, its very well written. 

In a word: historic

5. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

I did not know this was going to be a dystopian novel, as silly as that sounds. So I had to google what was happening. The writing is very pretty but the novel becomes so boring so often, I read most of the plot on Wikipedia and as much as I could of the actual book. The sex is not sexual and that's part of the idea but its so unfortunate, the total lack of scandalous things. This novel deals with questions about gender roles and identity that don't feel relevant in my life at all. What kind of world disregards love? Not my cup of tea.  

In a word: tedious

6. Women Talking by Miriam Toews

This book was incredible, and its even crazier that its based on something that actually happened. The women come across as incredible strong and witty and close. The discourse on religion and doing the right thing and our duty to God and to our husbands and our children, runs close to my heart. Not that I know anything about rape, but the reasoning of it, figuring out the right thing to do, I found it very interesting. There's a splash of love as well, and women who are tough as hell and yet tolerate abuse from their husbands is weird but real. This is just such an interesting read, and I wish it didn't end where it did, I want to know what happens next. The frame is also engaging. 

In a word: discussion

7. Normal People by Sally Rooney

I think I've written about this book already but I actually read it again, I was so into it. It's a love story, a couple comes together, breaks up, comes together again, and meantime various emotional growth takes place and their lives change and so on. The thing about this book is the dominant-submissive stuff, and it's deep, it's not simple, its not Fifty Shades. In a way, both the guy and the girl find redemption and peace and it's lovely. 

In a word: love

8. To Sleep in a Sea of Stars by Christopher Paolini

Here's a sci-fi fantasy book in a list of 'real life' books but this was an absorbing read, and it had way more drama than I expected. There wasn't a ton of sci-fi, there was so much human-ness to it, that it fits well in this list, despite aliens and outer space and unidentified foreign objects. There's great characters, and lots of adventure and even love, and its easy to follow. It's a long novel, but I love getting the full story, details and all.  

In a word: fun

9. You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson

This is a young adult novel, set in a high school, about prom. Its good, well written, easy reading. Lots of books have lesbians these days and this is one of them. And our main character sticks it to the man. 

In a word: high-school

10. Orange World and Other Stories by Karen Russell

This is an insane collection of short stories, each weirder than the last, and damn. Way to mess with the world. The writing also is excellent, and the settings are unique. This book is seriously worth reading. It's a little heavy, meaning it's not easy, but every story is something to talk about. Magic-realism-horror-comedy? Loved it. 

In a word: weird

11. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

The writing is vibrant, of course, since it is Maya Angelou. I'm glad the man is caught in the end. And wow Maya Angelou is brave. 

In a word: autobiography

It's time

Close your eyes and drift off to sleep now

Why are you so terrified

of how heavy your eyes are feeling

Why does your mouth tremble so

What are these tears running out of your eyes and across your nose

Do you think we will be separated

Do you know, somehow, the truth:

Your body will lie here, I will be cleaning in the other room,

and you will be with God.

Do not be so afraid

The angels will keep you company 

Strangers though they may be

God will not let them bother you

He will return you to me

So for a little while, sleep. 

I want to be surrounded by 

tall and silent trees

and covered by a star filled sky

just you, me and God above

Here in the sticky heat of the morning

it is the hour of prayer

I wear fresh clothes

I wash my face of my thoughts

I listen to

the quiet whirring of the fans

the birds of the city are awake

the day's first train roars past 

I think of you, and of the people I've known

of the lakes I've seen and the oceans

of the star speckled skies of my past

and the skies I'm sure are yet to come

 Dear daughter, 

I wrote this for you while you were sleeping, dreaming

I love you, when I pick you up and you stop crying,

and your heads rests once again lolling, eyes closed,

and I am poised for your cry,

but it doesn't come, not yet at least, and wow, the peace.

The kindness in my heart, that wasn't there while you were awake

it grows and I think, I want to do this for you,

I want to write for you. 

When you are awake and I try to type,

with your noises and your hands whacking away at me,

I feel so angry, so resentful, and not a bit loving,

quite the opposite in fact, and now, how desperate you were 

for a moment, afraid of the crow cawing close, though far away from our window,

you came to me arms raised and eyes closed and I felt 

infinitely protective, I felt okay,

I didn't at all hesitate. 

Ah but let me think, surely, there must be some things about you

that I like. For example, when you pretend play, when you play by yourself,

when you give your teddy bears one domino each, making sure once,

and then twice, that they all have one, when you roll around on your back,

with your belly full, doing little things, like trying to touch the plate with your feet,

knowing it makes me angry, how you smile when you do it,

and you see that I see, and I smile when I see your smile because 

this irritation, floating so close to the surface, is not a reward for your misbehavior.

And here I thought I was a bad mom, turns out 

you're a little bit bad yourself. 

 At night then, look me in my eyes

hold my face between your two hands

and tell me you love me, like you mean it

like its the only true truth.

I want to tell you my little secrets

the stories of my youth 

and my hopes for the future.

I want to share with you the tiny things

before they fizzle out in the glare

of sounds.